Author: Kelly

Holiday Survival Guide – Connecting to Glimmers

As I reflect on holidays, I am aware that multiple triggers abound for many. We are exposed to commercialism, the pressures of perfection, enhanced loneliness and grief. I too have struggled with grief this time of year, but have learned how to befriend it, and find the glimmers that are inherent in my losses. I hope that in sharing my process with you, it will help you to look for your own glimmers.

So, what is a glimmer? In the mental health landscape, we are all too familiar with triggers. Triggers are the things that bring about upset, disconnection, anger, anxiety, and the like.  Glimmers, on the other hand, are opposite, they are the things we experience that bring us a moment of joy, connection, gratitude, or otherwise. We may be well practiced at noticing our triggers, but less so when it comes to noticing glimmers, and I work with my clients to maintain an awareness of when glimpses of glimmers occur in their daily lives.

As winter arrives in Maine, I notice a glimmer for myself when we’ve had a new snowfall, followed by a sunny but cold day.  That cold, but bright sunlight reflects off the fresh snow, looking as if the ground is a blanket of glittering diamonds.  I make a point to notice this each year and appreciate the ventral effect it has on me. While noticing a glimmer only takes a few seconds, the practice of regularly noticing and savoring them has a cumulative positive effect.

In bringing the process of finding glimmers to the challenge of loss, for me, the process has worked little by little, year by year.  I notice grief when I remember moments with loved ones who are no longer with me. These moments were typically joyful, or funny, representing all the glimmers between myself and my loved one.  I didn’t really notice that they were glimmer memories, however, until the last few years.

Holidays involve lots of tradition. Tradition is the process of passing on, from generation to generation.  When I recall a glimmer memory today, I offer myself compassion as I feel the pangs of grief, and then I focus by attention on the glimmer memory itself, and smile as I feel the familiar happiness associated with that memory.  From there, I can share the story of the memory with those I’m with, or I can re-enact the glimmer memory in service of creating glimmer memories with others for years to come.  

May you find your glimmers, and discover your glimmer memories, and may they give you peace.

Reframing the changes Fall brings

In many ways, September brings us the beginnings of change. Here in Maine, as the leaves change from green to hues of orange, yellow, and red, I find that my therapy practice begins to get busier.  Perhaps it’s the return of stricter schedules, children returning to school, and fall sports.  I find myself wondering if it isn’t partially some anticipatory anxiety about the winter weather to come.

The word, Reframe, means to change plans or details, or to look at things from a different way. Life is ever changing, and yet, change can represent danger to some.  Autumn also represents change and transition. If change is uncomfortable for you, know that our nervous systems adapt to our environment, and even when change is positive, it initially can feel unfamiliar, and unsafe. You can take a more active role in the transition within you. Here are some tips to help you remain regulated and reframe the changes of autumn.

1. If you find that you’re experiencing increased stress, look for things that can provide re-“leaf” Humor works for me. Find a new comedy to watch on TV, relax with a good book, or get involved in a new hobby.  Remember that self-care isn’t selfish. Re-leaf can come from setting boundaries and not taking on more than you’re comfortable doing.
2. As you think about transitions, and fall, practice turning over a new “leaf” Find a quiet space to reflect and consider things in your life that you would like to remain, and others that you’d like to “leaf” behind.
3. Adjust your frame, or perspective. How are you choosing to think about the challenges that fall brings? How might you be able to challenge those thoughts and offer a more positive picture?

Remember the basics, nourish yourself, make time for sleep, attend to your relationships, and remember to breathe. Big, long slow breaths with the exhale longer than the inhale (think of a sigh) are regulating for the nervous system, PLUS, the fall air smells so wonderful!